I verbally abused referees. I’m not proud to admit it and I never felt good about it after the final whistle. Sometimes, I would apologize. Sometimes I went home, looked in the mirror and thought: ‘Jesus, Tim. Shame on you’.
It would be naive to think referees just let that stuff slide, too. Would they still consider me a nice guy? No.
They probably thought I was an idiot. They probably called me a you-know-what. They probably had a bad taste in their mouth and asked themselves: who does this guy think he is?
So I hold my hands up – I’ve played my part in breeding this culture of abuse. I, like every player and every manager, had a God complex.
We think we can do and say whatever we want and not pay the price. The truth is, if I scream at a referee time and time again, and then expect him to give me an offside or a free kick? The joke’s on me.
David Coote (above) described Jurgen Klopp as a ‘German ****’ in a foul-mouthed tirade
DailyMail.com columnist Tim Howard is not proud of how he treated referees during his career
Because referees are human and they are allowed to have opinions. Of course, we all say officials must rise above the abuse and remain neutral. They cannot get caught up in the emotion, they have to be robotic.
But who are we kidding? Who is going to put up with all that aggression and all that abuse and think ‘Yeah, I still really like him’?
So no, David Coote was not wrong for calling Jurgen Klopp a ‘c***’. The mistake he made was allowing himself to be filmed. That can’t be undone and he will pay the price.
But this can be a watershed moment for football. This is a chance for players and managers to realize: I can influence referees both positively and negatively. And if I’m not careful, I will turn him against us.
Sir Alex Ferguson cast a very big shadow on the touchline and it worked – remember Fergie Time?
David Moyes was more understanding. I played under him before VAR and he knew how to keep referees onside, while also letting them know how he felt.
And then there was Roberto Martinez, who stayed calm and calculated and fair in how he dealt with officials.
One tactic I found useful? When you spoke to a referee, you wanted to know his name.
Coote and former Liverpool boss Klopp had several runs in with each other over the years
The goalkeeper spent 13 years dealing with Premier League referees week in, week out
There are people who scream ‘ref!’ or ‘lino!’. But I always remember thinking: if I have something to say, if I want to be stern, call them by their first name and it has a different ring to it.
Some people use to call me ‘goalie’ or ‘Howard’. I hated that. When someone calls me Tim, even if they’re giving me a talking to, I immediately had more respect for them.
Across all my years in the Premier League, I never felt that any referee was biased for – or against – my team. Those narratives are just made up by fanbases.
But words and actions matter. Small gestures matter. They all make a difference to what a referee thinks of you and – be in no doubt – they can influence decisions.
