A former Marks and Spencer chief has revealed the series of heartwrenching activities undertaken by his family before his wife’s death — which made the end of her life ‘beautiful’.
Robert Swannell CBE, who was Chair of M&S between 2011 and 2017, lost his wife Patricia to advanced breast cancer last year, aged 71.
The family learned that the disease which she’d overcome over a decade previously had returned in 2021. It had spread to her bones, liver and abdomen, and was terminal.
Now, on the year anniversary of her death, Mr Swannell has revealed that his wife’s unusually practical approach to her mortality helped the family to cope.
Facing the bleak eventuality head-on meant Ms Swannell, an artist and former investment banker, could organise important activities, like recording her final conversations between her children.
Patricia with her grieving husband Robert, ex-chairman of M&S, reveals her life-changing legacy for other women (pictured together)
Patricia designed and built the maze at Wakehurst Place, Sussex
The couple’s daughter, Alicia, 38, made a long list of questions to ask her mother about her life — including whether or not she’d ever broken law and what she’s most proud of.
‘She and her brother recorded many of these conversations on their phones as they talked,’ Swannell told The Telegraph.
‘It allowed us to talk endlessly about our lives, her hopes and dreams for the children.’
The family’s preparedness meant they there was no ‘unfinished business’ with ‘every tiny resentment or jagged moment in her life was explored and forgiven’.
It also meant she got to witness her eldest child, Will, 40, get married.
‘It made such a profound difference for Patricia to see her son married,’ said Swannell. ‘At the wedding the choir sang the old song, Button up your Overcoat, which Patricia used to sing to Will when he was very young, and everyone was just blubbing all over the place.’
Patricia Swannell accepted that she was ‘going to be terminal’ very early on and ‘immediately went into death planning mode’.
‘This approach wouldn’t suit everybody, but it suited her to acknowledge death, not to sort of rage about it, but to accept it,’ said Mr Swannell.
‘There was no self-pity, although there was a sense of injustice at how women who had survived primary breast cancer were handled by the health system. She led all the difficult conversations with the family, and her sense of injustice shaped what she wanted to do with the months she had left.’
He describes the death as ‘truly beautiful’.
‘She was utterly at peace, at home, surrounded by love, with me and our children, and their partners, holding her hand.
With the help of her husband of 42 years she raised more than £1 million for their breat cancer charity
Patricia devoted the rest of her life to making sure that every woman at every stage of cancer has information
‘As she died, we promised her we would look after each other as she had looked after us. If we were to be parted, it was a truly beautiful death. I can’t describe what a blessing that was in our grief and it still is, a year later.’
Although planning helped them in the final years of Patricia’s life, Swannell said there were moments where the family struggled.
‘I remember the oncologist coming in. He looked at her, and said, “I need to tell you that it’s quite likely that next week you’ll come off treatment. You’re very likely going to the hospice from there. And the end will be quick,” he said.
‘We were devastated. But her cancer nurse was utterly brilliant and sort of scooped us up and wiped our tears.
‘It isn’t all easy at all. And actually, some of it is really awful. In particularly bleak moments you sometimes have thoughts that you wish you hadn’t had, like “would it be better for her and us if this just ended now?”
‘Those thoughts pass but you do feel guilty and it’s very helpful to discuss them openly.’
