A mental health influencer has shared six ways that having ADHD has made Christmas a living hell for his entire family—and they might sound familiar to anyone currently trying to get diagnosed with the neurodivergence condition.
Dan Hancock, 34, says Christmas is ‘a massively over stimulating’ time for anyone with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and laments that there is a an acute lack of understanding when it comes to the condition during this time of year.
ADHD causes dysregulation in the brain, and can affect emotions, dopamine and executive functions such as time management and forward planning—basic skills that get us through our day to day lives, but are particularly in demand during the busy festive period.
Hancock explained: ‘The highest priority things can get left until the last minute and it’s because as an individual with ADHD you have less dopamine receptors.
‘One of the only ways to be able to motivate yourself is to wait until the very last minute, so the dopamine and adrenaline kicks in and it almost forces you to take action.’
Recalling his own childhood, Hancock, who has 13,000 followers, remembers Christmases filled with resentment and guilt, revealing that he thought nothing of ripping open his siblings’ presents and showing up late to the big family dinner on December 25.
At the time, the mental health trainer had no idea he was struggling with the classic trials of ADHD—from poor impulse control to hypersensitivity—which were worsened by a snowballing of symptoms over the festive period.
It was only when he began to experience difficulty concentrating at work that he realised there may be something more serious going on, rather than just being a ‘lazy’ and ‘impatient’ child.
Dan shared some of his top tips for surviving the festive season, when carefully mastered routines go out the window
‘At the time, I didn’t know what it was and it may have looked to other people that I didn’t care as much,’ he said.
In 2022, after months of extensive research and therapy sessions, Hancock landed on a diagnosis: ADHD.
ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, in which the brain works differently to most people.
According to the NHS, symptoms can vary between children and adults, with children being easily distracted, forgetting everyday tasks, having high energy levels and finding it difficult to wait their turn.
In adults, however, the symptoms may be more subtle, and they may show signs of inattention, being easily distracted, finding it hard to manage time and making impulsive decisions with little consideration of the consequences.
In March, NHS figures revealed over half a million people in England were waiting for ADHD assessments, with 144,000 of them having already waited for two years or more.
The surge has been put down in large to a better understanding of ADHD, particularly how it presents in girls, resulting in more adults realising they may have the condition.
Hancock is now trying to raise awareness of how difficult the festive period can be for neurodivergent individuals such as himself.
His overarching advice is allowing yourself, or family members with the condition, time to process the excitement of the day—and sometimes that is far away from all the noise.
When Dan was younger her found the festive period particularly challenging, fraught with resentment and guilt
But now Mr Hancock has come up with some ways coping strategies including getting ahead of the game and starting as early as possible
People with ADHD often benefit from a routine, and at Christmas this usually goes out the window, causing stress and overwhelm.
‘One thing that is really common across people with ADHD is a term known as time blindness,’ Hancock explained.
‘We either massively underestimate or exaggerate the time it takes to complete a task.’
Removing this scaffolding can exacerbate mood swings and make it more difficult for those with ADHD to plan and manage their time.
For this reason, sticking as close to a regular routine is paramount – including, where possible, a regular bedtime.
Several studies have found that adults with ADHD experience a delayed release in melatonin, making it harder to wind down in the evening. But, research has suggested going to bed earlier can help make symptoms more manageable during the day.
So whilst it may be tempting to stay up late just because it’s Christmas, Hancock says, deviating from your own routine isn’t always the best idea.
Instead, he suggests paying special attention to preserving time to yourself throughout the day to take stock and do your own thing.
People with ADHD may also find it difficult to compartmentalise and plan ahead
‘Anyone who is neurodiverse is also likely to be massively overstimulated by multiple conversations, nise and the wrapping paper, bright lights and the excitement,’ Hancock added.
Even if there is no perceivable reason for someone with ADHD to want to avoid social gatherings, such as an argument, all the excitement can leave them feeling drained.
Hancock said: ‘As a child it was a strange feeling to feel like I wanted to escape my relatives at Christmas, which made me feel guilty.
‘Additionally, what a lot of people would see as the main event being done, the energy drops in the room, and we can feel this and it makes us absolutely exhausted,’ he said.
This phenomenon is known as rejection sensitivity dysphoria, which can leave people with ADHD replaying subtle changes in mood for days. This can also increase the likelihood of these individuals masking their own feelings, adding to the load.
A common misconception is that people with ADHD are incapable of concentrating, but that isn’t always the case, Hancock says.
And this can cause problems when it comes to buying and wrapping presents.
After the time-consuming and more interesting part of the task is over—i.e. buying the presents—people with ADHD may find themselves running out of steam, with no time or energy left to actually wrap the presents.
People with ADHD may also struggle with rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD)
The ADHD brain can struggle with too much sensory information, leading to irritability, discomfort and overwhelm
This is often compounded by other common ADHD traits, namely time blindness and the need to leave everything to the last minute, when adrenaline kicks in.
‘When I’d give presents to family members at Christmas, they would be an absolute mess,’ Hancock recalls,
‘Again, it would look like there was no care and this would make me feel embarrassed.
‘Once I wrote a card to my mum and she thought it was a joke. It was written so badly it looked like it was a joke, which really upset her, until I told her it wasn’t.’
To try and avoid this, experts recommend trying to break things down as early as possible, with a to-do list you can tick off even a month before things start to get busy.
Finally, Hancock says, one thing about people with ADHD is that they have a complete lack of impulse control.
‘This definitely happened when I was younger and made me look like I was impatient and didn’t care about anyone else’s experience when actually it was the opposite,’ Hancock said.
‘There were occasions when I opened my brother’s presents and thought it was mine and then would have to hand it back.’
Dan suggests giving yourself breaks and quiet time to regulate your emotions and calm your mind
Now Dan wants to raise better awareness for how the condition can affect people over the festive period
This lack of control can also result in more impulsive spending over the Christmas period, with surveys suggesting that adults with ADHD can spend up to an extra £1,600 a year due in impulsive purchases and missed bills.
Since learning more about the way his brain works, Hancock is trying to take a more structured, conscientious approach to Christmas, allowing himself the space he needs to get through the festive period.
He said: ‘It’s all about regulating the same way you would if you had a mental health condition and needed the rest.
‘What people need to understand is that just because you can’t see ADHD, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist,’ the mental health coach added.
‘Neurodiverse kids don’t want expensive gifts for Christmas, they just want to be understood.’
