A while ago, my family and I embarked on a new chapter in our winter-sporting life. Why book another trip to the expensive Alps, we thought?
Sure, the snow was excellent, the aprés ski exuberant and the facilities über convenient. But would the children get to hear new languages, be exposed to many kinds of cooked pig and experience former Soviet satellite states? Would they get to travel in a horse-drawn cart? They would not.
In addition to the rising cost of living, the usual ski resorts had started to seem a bit… unambitious. Thus the off-the-beaten-track experiment began with Bansko in Bulgaria.
It was an untrammelled success. As I reported at the time, we enjoyed perfect skiing conditions, a conspicuous absence of health and safety, daily doses of pristine Pirin Mountain beauty and lashings of homebrewed rakia [fruit brandy].
By the time we headed home – to a reasonable bank balance – we had the bit between our teeth.
So it was that the following season, we ended up in Poland.
Yes, Poland. Don’t knock it.
Zakopane, at the foot of the Tatras Mountains in the south of the country, is hugely popular with snow-loving Poles and a honeypot for working-class holidaymakers across Europe.
Jake Wallis Simons and his family ditched the Alps for budget ski resort Zakopane, Poland (file image above) – at the foot of the Tatras Mountains in the south of the country
While Europe’s highest resort, Val Thorens, sits at 2,300m (7,545ft), Zakopane (file image above) is located at less than half the altitude – and, disastrously, when Jake visited, there was no snow
Sure, the altitude was a little on the low side – while Europe’s highest resort, Val Thorens, sits at 2,300m (7,545ft), Zakopane is located at less than half the altitude – but what could possibly go wrong?
Before I tell you what happened next, let me interrupt myself to point out that Zakopane is having a fantastic season this year.
Stick the place into social media and you’ll be swamped with video clips of fairyland Christmas scenes, featuring skiers, Father Christmases, plodding horses and great flagons of Polish beer.
But we had decided – why? – to make our visit over Easter. And that, together with the not-entirely-lofty altitude, was where we overplayed our hand.
Reader, it didn’t snow.
A great snowboarding friend of mine called Danny, who made the mistake of coming with us on this of all occasions, waxed philosophical, estimating that one in every five or six ski holidays always ends up bereft of the white stuff.
Maks, the chap in charge of the chalets, showed us pictures of previous seasons – indeed, some of earlier that very year – and the conditions looked perfect.
But we had chosen Easter. And this Easter wasn’t to be.
After a lot of ‘snow-chasing,’ Jake and his family found themselves ‘guzzling sausage and fat spread on bread with some drunken locals, while listening to traditional music’ in the resort’s centre, seen above at a more snowy time of year
Jake and his family stayed in ‘a couple of characterful timber cottages’ in the Chalet Stardust complex, describing them as ‘charming beyond charming’. Above is the chalet at a snowier time of year
Each chalet has ‘cute and quirky bedrooms and lots of rustic rugs,’ Jake says. Above is one of the rooms in the cottage
INSIDE HOTEL SASKI KRAKOW, CURIO COLLECTION BY HILTON
The ‘quiet and comfortable’ rooms at Hotel Saski Krakow, like the one pictured above, ‘simply ooze quality,’ says Jake
I’d never been to Krakow before and was blown away by its beauty, culture, fantastic food and nightlife, and very affordable prices.
Our base for the two days before we headed down to Zakopane was the excellent Hotel Saski, an elegant five-star establishment in the heart of the city’s old town.
Within easy walking distance were several vibrant small bars, an oyster place and a couple of taverna-style restaurants, all knitted together with cobbled streets and whimsical Baroque architecture.
Krakow was spared Hitler’s bombs on account of its beauty, and this hotel is a fine example of its style.
Its classic exterior is complemented by a luxury interior, with a classy bar, indulgent restaurant and quiet and comfortable rooms that simply ooze quality.
The food was excellent and the attentive – and professional – staff even put on a bespoke vodka-tasting for us, while the children amused themselves somehow. (I can’t remember much of it, to be honest, apart from the fact that I enjoyed it immensely!)
Best of all, it didn’t break the bank. The prices were exceptionally affordable for such an upscale establishment.
Heartily recommended.
Hotel Saski Krakow room rates start at £128.
Nonetheless, schedule your visit during the actual winter and Zakopane has much going for it.
We flew cheaply to beautiful Krakow, where we spent two nights in the fabulous Hotel Saski (see boxout) before taking a taxi an hour or two south.
Zakopane itself is small and fairly flat, laid out along several long drags with rabbit-warren side-streets leading to a variety of hotels, bed-and-breakfasts and chalets. Yet it’s only a short drive to the mountains.
We – by which I mean myself, my wife, our four children and Danny, who bravely came up to the pistes even though his hip was so knackered that he could barely stand up on his board before howling in pain and crawling back to the bar – plumped for the ‘Chalet Stardust complex’, a couple of characterful timber cottages next door to each other.
They were charming beyond charming, with winding, wooden staircases, cute and quirky bedrooms and lots of rustic rugs.
Maks, an ethereal Englishman who always wore a hat, was personable and attentive, happily holding our hands (metaphorically) in everything from ski-hire to snow-chasing.
Ah, the snow-chasing. You know what it’s like. You arrive on day one and you refuse to believe it.
You get kitted up anyway and arrive, sweating, back at the chalet, praying for snow to the old gods and the new. ‘Grant this request,’ you tell the clouds, ‘and I’ll never visit Pornhub again.’
The next day, you’re determined to find somewhere with something skiable, even if it’s a bit of frost from someone’s freezer scattered over a mat. So commences the snow-chasing.
Zakopane is a patchwork of several small resorts and some can be blessed with better weather than others, depending on the week.
The local staff did their level best with the snow cannon, but, all too often, we ended up wading through warm slush and churning up clods of wet mud with the ends of our skis.
Hell, we even took a drive over the border to a resort in Slovakia at one point. That certainly ticked the box for cultural enrichment but offered little more than a Slush-Puppy underfoot.
Begrudgingly, we did other things. And found they were rather fun.
We went out on a horse and cart into the darkness and found ourselves guzzling sausage and fat spread on bread with some drunken locals, while listening to traditional music.
Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, Val Thorens – you and your lofty altitude!
We availed ourselves of a fine spa in a nearby hotel.
We went out to sample various Polish delicacies that I cannot even begin to describe but would put any British Polski Sklep to shame.
And then, just when we thought all was lost, Maks mentioned Kasprowy Wierch.
Unable to ski due to the lack of snow, Jake and his family took a horse and carriage ride in the dark, like the one seen in the above picture – taken at a snowier time of year
Despite the lack of snow, Jake would recommend Zakopane, as his post-trip ‘less-unhealthy-than-usual bank balance made it all worth it’. ‘Though ideally,’ he adds, ‘book last-minute and check it’s snowy first’
LEFT: Zakopane during Jake’s visit. RIGHT: Jake on the nearby mountain range of Kasprowy Wierch, which had ‘horrendous queues’ but was ‘heaven to ski’
I still don’t know how you pronounce it, but Kasprowy Wierch was the answer to all our prayers. (Why hadn’t he suggested Kasprowy Wierch earlier in the holiday? Why didn’t you, Maks?)
This was a peak of a long crest of the Western Tatras, reaching much higher altitudes than the rest of Zakopane.
Due to national park restrictions, the Poles had not allowed a full-blown resort to be built there, but they had allowed six miles of beautiful runs to be constructed. Not enough for a whole holiday, but enough for an afternoon.
We got there early in the morning and had to shell out for some quite pricey tickets.
There were horrendous queues. But once we were up, about three hours later, it was all worth it.
The pistes were mainly blacks, maybe a couple of reds, so perhaps not everybody’s cup of borsht. My wife and stepdaughter didn’t come with us, choosing instead to go on a wonderful, guided hike with Maks.
But, for the more able skiers, after the frustrating snow drought of the preceding days, it was heaven.
Phew! When we got back to Britain a few days later, we had memories of decent skiing and the photographs to boot, even on this most unsnowy of holidays.
The less-unhealthy-than-usual bank balance made it all worth it.
Would I recommend Zakopane? I would. Though ideally, book last-minute and check it’s snowy first.
