Sanity will return to Stamford Bridge one day. On the basis of this game, let’s collectively hope the lunatics do not forfeit control any time soon.
It was wild. It was barmy. It was a day when the Premier League’s most sensible club visited the most dysfunctional and suffered the sort of beating that warrants a long lie down and a longer review.
For that, Fabian Hurzeler will forever view Cole Palmer as responsible for a great trauma. Cold Palmer? He was hotter than lava.
To catalogue the terror he brought to this party, it is necessary to pinpoint a period of the first half between the seventh minute and the 41st. You see, Brighton led this game going in that stretch. In fact, they were controlling it and their early goal from Georginio Rutter was fair reward.
But then it all turned quite spectacularly. To the most dizzying periods in the history of this division, we can add the subsequent passage that saw Palmer hit a post, have a goal disallowed for offside before whizzing from one goal to three in the space of just minutes.
Cole Palmer produced a masterclass as Chelsea fought back to defeat Brighton on Saturday
The England international became the first player ever to score four first-half goals in the Premier League
Haul marks Palmer’s third hat-trick for the Blues since joining the club from Man City last summer
His free-kick to complete a hat-trick in that span was simply marvellous and yet it was not the finishing point for his work, because in the moments after Carlos Baleba made it 3-2, Palmer got his fourth. It was around that point when a statistic circulated – since Palmer made his debut for Chelsea in 2023 he has been involved in 43 goals, which is considerably more impressive when set against Erling Haaland’s respective number of 39.
Given Palmer’s versatility, and the fact he is more Swiss army knife to Haaland’s sledgehammer, it remains possible for all of the hype, we might still be guilty of underestimating just how special he is at the age of 22.
And yet this game was about more than one player’s quality – it was about the shades of crazy that make the Premier League so bankable as a product.
We should start by saying that Hurzeler had toyed with the idea of a low-block here after riding a little luck with their high line to date; that he decided against it will be nightmare fuel for him and the hopelessly outpaced pairing of Lewis Dunk and Adam Webster.
They were ripped to shreds by Palmer and Noni Madueke and the associated combination of throughballs from Enzo Fernandez and the runs from Jadon Sancho. With a decisive hand in two goals, the latter is building a decent redemption tale at Chelsea.
They were all helped by Brighton’s dreadful defending, but they made as much fortune as they were gifted. Chelsea also showed immense vulnerability at the back, so Enzo Maresca will likely temper the excitement of a strong start to the season – and a first home win in the league – with an acceptance that work needs to be done.
For that he might start with the confidence of Robert Sanchez, who was responsible for both of Brighton’s goals.
Georginio Rutter had given Fabian Hurzeler’s side an early lead at Stamford Bridge
But Palmer was on hand to sweep past Bart Verbruggen and put the hosts back on level terms
The 22-year-old added a second goal from the penalty spot to give the Blues the lead
The first of those was awful from the home side’s perspective and followed seven minutes in which Maresca had no answer to a Brighton system that pivoted and flipped between 4-4-2 and 4-3-3. Chelsea were pressed into nothingness and utterly clueless in how to set themselves free.
The goal summed up all of the above. The disarray was sewn initially by Kaoru Mitoma and his overlapping accomplice, Pervis Estupinan, but the real damage was self-inflicted once Moises Caicedo intercepted the latter’s low cross.
Caught between thoughts, he passed the bomb backwards to Levi Colwill in the suffocated space of his own six-yard box and the subsequent clearance was deflected upwards and not very far. That prompted Robert Sanchez to embark on a mindless sprint from his line to a ball he’d never reach and Rutter back the other way for 1-0.
Given the calamity involved three of their unforgiven alumni, the Brighton fans enjoyed it. ‘You’re just a s*** Albion,’ they sang, and a counter-argument would have been hard to mount at that stage.
Goodness were Chelsea poor. And of course Brighton were excellent. But how those dynamics turned in a storm of throughballs, the first of which culminated in a clip against the post from Palmer, and within a minute he had broken the line again and had a goal wiped away for a marginal call for offside. That is when Brighton’s fortune expired.
The equaliser came from a Webster howler, with his pitiful impression of a back-pass cut out by Nicolas Jackson who squared to Palmer for 1-1.
A matter of seconds later, Sancho had a goal disallowed because Madueke’s was a shoulder offside in another surge through that flimsy, slow yellow line, before Carlos Baleba conceded his second penalty in a fortnight by fouling Sancho. Prior to Palmer nailing the penalty, Dunk was booked for protesting the decision but his aggression would have been better directed at those tracking Sancho’s run.
By that point, Chelsea had scored twice and had two disallowed in a nine-minute span – Brighton had fallen to pieces. Their tumble got worse when Estupinan hauled down Madueke to stem yet another breakaway, only for Palmer to whip in a quite beautiful free-kick from 25 yards or so. His hat-trick had come from just 10 touches.
He then completed his hat-trick by scoring a sublime free kick from the edge of the box
Carlos Baleba pulled one back for Brighton to give them a hope of getting back into the game
But a clinical Palmer added a fourth before half-time to ensure all three points for the Blues
Brighton revived themselves long enough to score through Baleba – for the second time Sanchez was at fault with a dopey ball easily intercepted on the edge of his own area – and then entered a brief period of dominance and chances. To be fair to Sanchez, he made two strong saves in that patch of pressure, which made way for Chelsea’s fourth, brought about when Enzo Fernandez cut out a pass from Bart Verbruggen and played to Sancho.
With his third assist of this second chance in his career, Sancho teed up Palmer and the finish was excellent. What a bonkers half it had been.
Chelsea returned after the break with two near misses for Jackson and other opportunities for Palmer and Malo Gusto, before Marc Cucurella had one disallowed for offside. They were rampant and somehow they didn’t score. By then the game had seen enough.
