Can you tell if a woman will cheat just by looking at her?
In November, we introduced Femail readers to six men and asked them to spot which three had been unfaithful to their partners – just from examining their photos.
It was surprisingly difficult to work out – but does a cheating woman have any more obvious visual clues?
Of the women pictured on the previous page, one is repeatedly unfaithful to every man she has ever been with and another let the love of her life slip through her fingers because she refused to stray.
Read on to find out which is which…
CHEATER: ‘I knew cheating was wrong but the attraction was just too overpowering’
Ayla Nevzat, 44, is a beauty therapist. She is single and lives in east London. She says: I had been having doubts about my fiance when I went on holiday to Cyprus with my mum and sister.
Looking back, I was too young to be planning a wedding at 21. Particularly as my fiance, who was six years older than me, took me for granted.
At our hotel, my head was turned by a man at the pool bar. We got chatting and it turned out he lived near me in Essex.
Whereas my fiance Pete was a skinny redhead, Jason was tall and dark and clearly worked out. It hadn’t occurred to me to look at other men until that point.
One day, I was sunbathing when Jason stopped by to say hello. I told him I was engaged to be married the following year and he commented that I was too young to get tied down.
A few days later, we went for a walk on the beach. When we sat down on the sand, he kissed me on the lips. It made me feel special.
The next day, Jason offered to take me on a bike tour of the island. We stopped in a remote area and one thing led to another and we ended up having sex in the mountains.
I felt a bit guilty but it was so exciting. When we got back to the hotel, I acted like nothing had happened. I knew it was wrong but the attraction was too overpowering.
At home, I told my fiance what had happened, hoping he would break up with me – but he didn’t.
Instead, he banned me from getting in touch with Jason, reminding me how much my parents had paid for our wedding venue and food.
Some months later, Jason called to urge me not to get married. I told him not to call me again. He said he’d respect my wishes but signed off by saying I needed to stand up for myself.
I went ahead with the wedding but regretted it the very next day. My marriage was awful. Even though we both worked full-time, I did everything at home. It took me four years to find the courage to leave.
By then, I was 26 and, never having forgotten Jason, I phoned and asked him if he was still single. I was sad when he said he had met someone.
Last summer – 20 years later – I returned to Cyprus. You can imagine my shock to find Jason there on holiday too. It was a total coincidence. This time he was with his teenage daughters. He did flirt with me but there were no trips to the mountains.
He told me he was married but joked about getting a divorce. Yes, it stirred up emotions for me but, realistically, I don’t think either of us was ready to settle down when we first met.
Do I regret cheating? No. I did it because I wasn’t in the right relationship for me. I’ve never done it since.
I spent my 30s dating other guys and am now happily single. I never wanted children and like to be able to date who I want, when I want.
CHEATER: ‘I have a new boyfriend but still slept with another man last month’
Musician Jess Mason, 40, lives in London. She says: I’m in a new four-month relationship, but I did sleep with someone else last month.
When I told my partner, he was hurt and we didn’t see each other for a few weeks. But we are back together now. I’m happy with him but if I want to have sex with other people, then I do.
The problem with men is that when you start seeing them, they say they’re cool about this sort of arrangement – but in reality they never are.
I haven’t had a single ‘open relationship’ that has worked out. Men still want women in traditional roles. So I end up not telling them, and that makes me a cheat.
The thing is I really enjoy sex, and find it an ideal way to de-stress and satisfy my needs. I enjoy the attention from other men, too, of course.
I’ve never been married but I was engaged to a man who was seven years my junior. We were together for five years – the longest relationship I have ever had.
Six months into our relationship, I slept with a mutual friend. Did I regret it? Yes, because it was awkward afterwards. In the end our ‘friend’ told my boyfriend about it.
We got over it but I didn’t stop cheating. He only left me when he met someone else, telling me, ‘She’s more what I want than you are.’ I was upset but he made the right decision for both of us.
The guy I am seeing now is in his mid-40s, and we have a strong emotional connection. The younger guy I cheated on him with is gorgeous; mentally, though, there isn’t much of a connection.
A lot of men are attracted to me and think I won’t need anyone else. But no one person can meet the needs of another, can they?
I cheat because I can separate the emotions surrounding sex and romance. I’m much more concerned with honesty about other things in a relationship – such as forgetting to do the big shop or putting the dishwasher on.
If I found out someone had lied about something I deemed important, that would be a reason to break up.
Now 40, I would like to settle down in the traditional sense and have babies – and when I do, I will be faithful from then on. But I will only commit when I feel truly settled with someone.
As men always seem to come on to me, though, it has so far proved impossible to resist temptation.
NOT A CHEATER: Did I miss out on the love of my life by not cheating?
Katy Duke, 47, is a lettings agent and lives in Chichester, West Sussex. She says: My feelings about infidelity have changed over the years because not cheating didn’t work for me. In fact, I wonder if I missed out on something wonderful when I was younger because I was so faithful.
I grew up in a household where, morally and ethically, doing the ‘right thing’ mattered more than personal fulfilment.
When I was 18, I worked a ski season in France where I met Jake, my first love. We worked hard, we skied hard and we fell in love.
When the season came to an end, we hitchhiked to the South of France, where we worked and learnt so much about one another.
I had already committed to going to university, my ‘golden ticket’ for a good life, while Jake returned to the slopes for another season, so we parted.
We both moved on and met other people and I threw myself into a new relationship with a fellow student.
At the end of the first year, Jake visited me and we spent the evening together. He met my friends, who thought we were great together, and went for drinks. He made it clear he still had feelings for me.
But when we returned to my flat that night, I made him sleep on the settee. I was so determined to do the ‘right thing’ that I went against my gut instinct and didn’t allow myself to sleep with him.
At the time I thought I was in love with my boyfriend but seeing Jake made me question this. I was faithful to my boyfriend out of duty really.
Within a couple of months, my boyfriend dumped me because I was moving to the US for a university placement. Jake used to ring me at my American accommodation but, because of the time difference, we never got to speak and, eventually, he gave up trying.
Our paths have crossed a few times over the decades but nothing has ever happened. I now know he is married, though, so that door is closed.
Even now, I can still feel the pull of that first love. I’ve had a few significant relationships since – the longest lasted over three years – but I’ve never met a man since Jake who I’d want to father my children. I believe my fidelity stood in my way.
CHEATER: ‘Careful not to call out my lover’s name during sex’
Borina Voko, 38, a cleaning company owner from south-east London, is divorced and has a daughter aged nine. She says: I have a high sex drive and adore getting intimate and explorative in the bedroom. I studied political sciences and criminology at university and classify myself as a feminist.
Throughout university, my boyfriend Joe from home supported me while I studied and when I graduated in 2009, I began working for a political party and the salary wasn’t great but Joe was more than happy to support both of us financially.
We had been together for six years and everyone assumed we would end up married. My mum loved him and, because we were living together, she joked that he was her son-in-law.
She had always drummed it into me that cheating wasn’t on in a relationship.
At work, though, I was rubbing shoulders with people who were my intellectual equal. One in particular, Dominic, caught my eye. He knew his way around Tolstoy and could debate the ins and outs of Stalin’s ideology, whereas Joe was more interested in which Rocky film to watch that night.
What started off as a meeting of minds over coffee in our breaks soon became a steamy affair lasting for three months.
Throughout that time, I was sleeping with both Joe and Dominic and had to be careful about contraception. Then there was the constant vigilance, not calling Joe by Dominic’s name when we were having sex, and hiding my phone, even changing my password on my computer.
In fairness to Joe, he was never suspicious, even though I’d work ‘late’ three times a week using the excuse as a pretext to have sex with Dominic at his flat. I did feel a bit guilty especially as Joe had been so generous and loyal.
I eventually broke things off with both men. A year after the split, when I was 28, I met someone else, whom I married. We had a daughter. While I didn’t cheat on him, he always assumed I was going to because I had told him about Dominic.
Even when I announced I was pregnant with our daughter, I could see him doing the maths on the conception dates and being reassured we’d conceived while we were on holiday together. I felt I was constantly being judged for something I did before we even met.
He looked after our child full-time while I went out to work as an interpreter each day. He would call and check up on me in case I was getting too cosy with my colleagues.
I was too focused on being a mum and a wife even to think about cheating.
We divorced after five years because he said he could no longer trust me.
Even though that one sexual slip-up has cast a long shadow over my love life, I don’t regret being unfaithful. I was too young to settle down anyway.
Single for eight years, I can’t rule out the possibility of cheating in a future relationship. We’re only on this planet for the blink of an eye. Why shouldn’t I have fun?
NOT A CHEATER: ‘I still love husband of 31 years – I’d never cheat’
Financial director Hayley Grice, 49, is married to Mark, 55. They have three daughters and live in Shropshire. She says: I’ve never cheated and would never even contemplate it. If I speak to anyone – male or female – within three sentences, I’ll have told them about my husband of 31 years, and it’s the same for him.
We met when I was 16 and an office junior at a factory and Mark was 22, working on the shop floor.
Mark knew from our first date that this was it for him, and I knew after our third date.
I’d had only one other boyfriend at school before we married in September 1997, when I was 21. I was the first one of my friends to get married and settle down, and today I’m definitely the only one with the same guy.
I’ve probably got what many would see as a dull life. A friend of mine is a nurse practitioner who meets people all the time. She tells me that mine is the only functioning, healthy marriage that she knows of.
The secret is we are completely equal. He is very emotionally supportive of me, and we’re always there for one another.
I’m a jealous person and he is too. My husband believes that every man in the world fancies me.
My weight has yo-yo’d from a size 24 to a size 12 as of early last year. I was severely overweight for much of our marriage, and yet he has always thought I was the most gorgeous woman on the planet telling me, ‘Of course he is looking at you!’
I do now turn heads as a result of losing weight which, for me, is really lovely.
We are very tactile and affectionate in front of our three daughters. They’re proud we have such a good marriage.
If I cheated, I don’t think Mark would get past it. It doesn’t happen very often but occasionally I will find another man attractive (and no, I am never tempted to act on those feelings). I always mention it to Mark, who just rolls his eyes.
And if he was unfaithful, I’d make his life miserable.
When I ask Mark how much he loves me, he says ‘stacksumundo!’ and tells me I am the love in our house.
NOT A CHEATER: ‘I had two affairs with married men. Cheating is havoc’
Emily Kuipers, 38, a nanny, is in a relationship and lives in Hampton Wick, south-west London. She says: I’d never dream of cheating, because I have been cheated on by one ex, and I felt sick when I found out.
When I was single, I was the other woman after falling for two different men who were married. It was a very hurtful and complicated situation. I’d never want to be that selfish again.
I was 19 when my best friend told me she’d seen my boyfriend of four months kissing someone else. When I confronted him, he confirmed it was true and showed no remorse, which stung even more. I was heartbroken.
It was in my 20s that I fell in love twice with married men. Why was I a magnet for them? At this point I was depressed and couldn’t care less about the world and the repercussions of my actions.
I bumped into one married man I’d been seeing at a restaurant with his wife and two young children. We all said hello to one another.
I should have felt sick and guilty but, instead, I was buzzing afterwards and more than a little exhilarated that we had a secret.
I realise now how selfish that makes me sound.
In both cases of having an affair with a married man, it was me who ended it after about four months.
I felt ashamed of giving into temptation – despite their marital status. I realised with absolute clarity that I could never cheat myself. I’ve seen how unhappy it can make people.
Do men do it just because they can? My experience is that men are very accomplished liars. I have discovered that it is more common in straight relationships for a man to seek another relationship outside of the couple.
I now identify as bisexual. I had a six-year relationship with a woman and have been seeing a man for the past three months.
He lives on my street and we met in a coffee shop through a mutual friend. We have both agreed that we would talk about our feelings if we were tempted to act on something with someone outside of the relationship.
As I’ve got older, I value honesty more and more. I wish people would just sit down and say ‘I’ve fallen in love with someone else and I need to let you go’ instead of cheating.
Some names have been changed.
