Prosecution barrister William Hughes KC then asked the teenager about drawings and phrases found in her notebooks.
When asked what she meant by the words “I want to do something humans are supposed to”, she said: “Initially I was planning on killing myself.”
She was then asked what she meant by “why do I want to kill other as much as I want to kill myself?”
She replied: “I meant it in more of a psychological term. I feel like I’m hurting others just by existing.”
She was also asked about the phrase “I feel like I’m gong to commit a crime of a lifetime” and said that she was religious and, if she was going to kill herself, then it would be a crime.
Drawings and phrases like “burning”, “drowning” and “death”, which referred to the pupil she stabbed, were an “expression” of how she felt, she told the jury.
When asked by Mr Hughes why she continued to take a knife to school she said sahe “didn’t trust the system, the people”.
She told the court she did not take the knife to school on 24 April in order to use it on the teachers or the pupil.
The trial continues.
