You can spot them a mile away: bright Hawaiian shirts, bum bags, chunky white trainers, old-fashioned cameras or (if younger) selfie-sticks.
You can hear them, too: loudly asking bus drivers at length how Oyster cards work, passers-by for the direction to ‘Traf-al-gar Square’, and station employees how to catch a train to ‘Bir-ming-ham’.
And then you have the kerfuffle over tipping in restaurants and, even, pubs when buying drinks at the bar. Yes, staff may be happy with an extra pound or two, but do other customers have to listen to it all?
American tourists never seem to change – and they seem quite oblivious to just how much they stick out.
As long ago as 1994, Harry Enfield brilliantly skewered US visitors to our shores in a sketch enitled ‘American Tourists Go For Breakfast’ in his programme Harry Enfield and Chums.
In walk two American tourists to a down-to-earth British corner caff, a couple dressed in lurid yellow matching clothing – the husband wearing a bow tie and fishing cap and his wife over-sized glasses and clutching a huge handbag.
‘Good morning sir, good morning sir, good morning sir,’ they say to all the other customers silently eating their breakfasts, creating a commotion, before the caff’s sullen owner comes over and bluntly asks: ‘What do you want?’
The husband replies: ‘Just a coffee please, and maybe some pancakes, and a couple of eggs easy over, maple syrup, bacon, hash browns, a little sour cream on the side and a pork chop – oh and some waffles for Pammy [his wife].’
American tourists never seem to change – and they seem quite oblivious just how much they stick out
The caff owner says they can have cheese sandwiches – and the husband replies: ‘Thank you so much, so much.’ And the caff owner silently walks away.
Sure, Harry Enfield was exaggerating, but he captured the essence of the American tourist, as seen through the eyes of many Brits.
With latest VisitBritain figures showing that 5.1million American visit the UK each year, here’s our guide for American tourists to not stick out.
Do: Be prepared to walk places in general (we’re not as car-centric as you).
Don’t: Be too loud when chatting at restaurants and pubs. Always use your gentlest indoor voices.
Do: Visit pubs. They’re a great way of gaining insights into British life, plus food prices tend to be reasonable compared to restaurants.
Don’t: Dilly dally at the bar in pubs – know what you’d like and have payment ready. Regulars can get huffy about delays.
Do: Try a pint of British bitter or ale if you’re a beer drinker – quite unlike bubbly Budweiser or Miller back in the USA. And remember British pints are about 20 per cent bigger than American pints.
Do: Visit the brilliant free museums and galleries in London such as the Natural History Museum, Science Museum, National Gallery, pictured, and British Museum
Don’t: Tip the barman/woman, if you’ve gone to the bar yourself. It’s not something we do.
Don’t: Expect everyone to say ‘have a nice day’ and for service levels to be as on-the-ball as back in the States (sadly).
Don’t: Feel as though you have to tip 20 per cent at restaurants, as you do on the other side of The Pond. It’s more like 10 to 15 per cent with us.
Do: Have a slap-up roast meal in a pub on a Sunday – and ask for horseradish sauce if you order roast beef, or mint sauce if it’s roast lamb.
Don’t: Be rude about the royals. Not everyone is a monarchist (a few Republicans are knocking about), but most Britons are staunch supporters.
Do: Talk to strangers about the weather. Almost everyone in Britain talks about the weather the whole time (partially because it can change quite often).
Don’t: Talk to strangers, or anyone really, about Brexit – this is a divisive subject (and can lead to rows).
Do: Respond when someone says, ‘How are you?’. Britons expect a response, it’s not just a greeting.
Do: Try fish and chips, eaten out of a paper wrapper – and order them with ‘mushy peas’. Also liberally douse your chips with vinegar and sprinkle with salt for full flavour.
Do: Buy a newspaper – for insights into the British way of life.
Don’t: Hog key positions at the likes of Stonehenge or the Palace of Westminster taking selfie videos to put on Instagram.
Do: Remember to drive on the left.
Don’t: Use your mobile phone while driving – British police are cracking down on this.
Do: Be aware, when driving, that country lanes can be extremely narrow, and may require tricky backing up to allow traffic past.
Don’t: Undertake cars on multi-lane roads, like you do in the States – it’s against the law here (even though a few Britons do it).
Do: Drink tea – PG Tips, Tetley, Yorkshire Tea are all solid bets.
Don’t: Go to Starbucks.
Do: Remember the English will swear, curse and cuss much more than Americans. The Irish and the Scots even more so. Especially at football matches.
Don’t: Leave it to the last minute to buy a hotel in the Lake District National Park (there may be none left)
Don’t: Forget cilantro is ‘coriander’, a capsicum is a ‘red pepper’, zucchini is a ‘courgette’, cookies are ‘biscuits’, potato chips are ‘crisps’ and while fries are still fries, the big, thick ones are ‘chips’.
Do: Try fish and chips, eaten out of a paper wrapper – and order them with ‘mushy peas’. Also liberally douse your chips with vinegar and sprinkle with salt for full flavour.
Don’t: Go to McDonald’s or KFC.
Do: Visit a seaside resort such as Brighton, Skegness, Scarborough, Blackpool or Weston-super-Mare.
Don’t: Feed any British seagulls – they can be vicious and attack you.
Do: Refer to the ‘subway’ as the Tube to avoid Britons mistaking it for the sandwich shop. And stand on the right-hand side of escalators in the Tube and elsewhere… Britons in a hurry get very annoyed about those transgressing this convention.
Don’t: Try to board Tube trains before passengers disembark – another London Underground faux pas.
Do: Go on a road trip in Scotland – yes, you have your famous Route 66, but getting about by car in Scotland is a superb way of seeing the remote landscape too. Car ferries allow access to the remote Western Isles (calmac.co.uk).
Don’t: Drive to Cornwall during busy periods – there’s far too much traffic and locals can feel inundated. Much better to take a train.
Do: Go shopping on Oxford Street and Bond Street – there are some great British institutions to explore, including Selfridges and Liberty.
Don’t: Hold your phone in busy places as phone-snatch muggings are common.
Do: Try an independently owned hotel or inn – what’s the point of travelling over and staying in a Hilton or Sheraton?
Don’t: Fail to order a ‘Full English’ breakfast with lashings of sausages, bacon, eggs, baked beans, black pudding and fried mushrooms – at least once on your trip.
Do: Try drinking a Tizer (a local, orange-coloured, fruit-flavoured carbonated soft drink) or an Irn-Bru (a Scottish, even more orange-coloured drink tasting sugary).
Don’t: Bother with Coca-Cola for a few days.
Do: Refer to ‘soccer’ as football.
Don’t: Cheer for the other team when sitting among football supporters of another club – this is frowned upon.
Do: Watch a live sports event such as football or cricket (our version of baseball). The atmosphere of smaller football clubs such as Accrington Stanley in Lancashire or Gillingham in Kent can be just as lively as at Manchester United or Liverpool. Tickets should be easy to come by, as they will be for county cricket games.
Don’t: Frown on cricket fans who begin drinking at 11am and don’t stop until the end of play at 6.30pm (this is just normal).
Do: Go for a long walk along the Thames – it’s a beautiful river, especially upstream around Oxford and Henley. Just about every section of its 215 miles seems to have a historical story to tell.
Don’t: Go too close to swans – they can be aggressive, especially with cygnets (and can cause injury).
Do: Visit a national park – they’re free over here (unlike yours).
Don’t: Leave it to the last minute to buy a hotel in the Lake District National Park (there may be none left).
Do: Have patience with our airports, which often require endless holding pattern circles before gaining clearance to land – annoying, we know, after a long journey across The Pond (but just the way it is).
Don’t: Feel you have to catch the Heathrow Express (£25) or Gatwick Express (£21.50) into London – the Tube ticket price from Heathrow is £5.80 and regular trains from Gatwick are from £12.50. Journey times are only a few minutes more.
Do: Visit the brilliant free museums and galleries in London such as the Natural History Museum, Science Museum, National Gallery and British Museum.
Don’t: Go without making a donation – there are donation points near the entrances and, even if it’s only a token amount, it’s appreciated.
Do: Visit a heritage railway – of which there are around 180 in Britain. A trip on a steam train offers a nostalgic glimpse of bygone days – from Swanage Railway in Dorset to the North Yorkshire Moors Railway and the West Somerset Railway.
Don’t: Fuss over ticket prices of the heritage railways (it’s expensive keeping all those magnificent machines on the tracks).
Do: Try to buy train tickets around ten to 12 weeks in advance, if you’re planning ahead. This is the ‘sweet spot’ for prices. Before 12 weeks you may be paying much more, and the same is true of the last-minute.
Don’t: Fail to reserve a seat – as trains can get extremely crowded.
Do: Bring a waterproof jacket and umbrella… whatever you do.
Don’t: Expect it to be sunny every day and only pack shorts and a Hawaiian shirt or two – it’s different over here.
- Tom Chesshyre is author of Slow Trains Around Britain: Notes from a 4,088-Mile Adventure on 143 Rides, published by Summersdale.
